While I sit here on my comfy bed with its green sheets working on my essay for my philosophy course, I can hear the whooshes of the cars passing by on the road outside my window. My blinds half drawn keep flapping in and out occasionally reminding me of their presence. The little attention-seekers! But they also make me feel thankful for their company on this silent night when I have to sit and build a bridge of thoughts and ideas that is at least 2200 words long. Ambivalence is in my heart, I am tired, but I can't sleep, I want to experience the bliss that comes from delayed gratification. A good grade on my paper is what I'd like to see, that nice sparkling A that appears on my transcript is worth a million sleepless nights if that is what it takes to get there.
My faithful one and only Winamp continues to generate inspiration, my little magic box.
My first final in 2 days, actually more like 1 day, or to be more specific in 34 hours, yes, I actually counted the hours.
I made a summer reading list for myself. I must finish all the half-read ones that lie in the safety of my multi-purpose closet before I can begin any new ones, but I guess that may not really stop me from starting any new ones. I don't have a bookcase. It would be nice to have one.
My essay beckons, I must get back. Talk to you soon!
Associations
Lately, in one of my rather introspective moods, I've been thinking about the people I know and I've begun to understand the concept of outgrowing people.
Have you ever met people who hold onto their past so tight that their fingers bleed? Well, I have and I must say, it's unfortunate how they aren't able to see that clutching onto things and people gone by does not do them any good, but, in fact it actually begins to eat away at their spirit and it's sad that they don't see this happening. Not only does it destroy their spirit, but it also slowly kills all the possibilities of the person they could become.
Well, perhaps this process isn't really visible to you in the beginning, it just seems like they need all the sympathy they can get. But, later when you move ahead and you watch them continue to die a slow death, you realize how much you've grown as a person and how you can no longer continue to sympathize with them. It's scary to think that contempt for such a person can creep in at such a time. I discovered this myself very recently.
I'm discovering what a large, colourful ball of wool this world is and there is nothing that can stop me from knitting my own lovely cardigan with all this wool. Holding onto something from the past is less than desirable and a terrible no-no since so many lovely adventures await us in the future. In this context, I can't help but feel like I've outgrown some people whom I know to be clinging onto ancient history. To listen to such a person whine about everything you've probably been listening to is such a spirit-dampening experience, almost torture after a while. I have realized we have nothing in common anymore.
So, after all, it is possible to outgrow a person, it makes me wonder whether we ever had anything in common at all, ever.
Or perhaps, the person was one of those people who come into your life for a season and although your association with them never actually ends, it is never the same again because there is no way you can relate to anyone at that level anymore. They have nothing new to offer and you have nothing to give them anymore but empty nods and boredom.
It is good to know I've grown as a person, but it's also sad to think how I will have one less person to share my experiences with.
Have you ever met people who hold onto their past so tight that their fingers bleed? Well, I have and I must say, it's unfortunate how they aren't able to see that clutching onto things and people gone by does not do them any good, but, in fact it actually begins to eat away at their spirit and it's sad that they don't see this happening. Not only does it destroy their spirit, but it also slowly kills all the possibilities of the person they could become.
Well, perhaps this process isn't really visible to you in the beginning, it just seems like they need all the sympathy they can get. But, later when you move ahead and you watch them continue to die a slow death, you realize how much you've grown as a person and how you can no longer continue to sympathize with them. It's scary to think that contempt for such a person can creep in at such a time. I discovered this myself very recently.
I'm discovering what a large, colourful ball of wool this world is and there is nothing that can stop me from knitting my own lovely cardigan with all this wool. Holding onto something from the past is less than desirable and a terrible no-no since so many lovely adventures await us in the future. In this context, I can't help but feel like I've outgrown some people whom I know to be clinging onto ancient history. To listen to such a person whine about everything you've probably been listening to is such a spirit-dampening experience, almost torture after a while. I have realized we have nothing in common anymore.
So, after all, it is possible to outgrow a person, it makes me wonder whether we ever had anything in common at all, ever.
Or perhaps, the person was one of those people who come into your life for a season and although your association with them never actually ends, it is never the same again because there is no way you can relate to anyone at that level anymore. They have nothing new to offer and you have nothing to give them anymore but empty nods and boredom.
It is good to know I've grown as a person, but it's also sad to think how I will have one less person to share my experiences with.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
