In Between Backward and Forward

Well, I haven't still overcome my old self. I'm still constantly reminded of the wonderful days I spent at CNA-Q in the past 10 months by everything that I do. All this nostalgia that constantly buzzes about my brain like a bee feels like a dull ache in my head that's refusing to go away, only, this ache is not painful, not hurtful, not negative at all. Is anyone else as sentimental as me? I wonder!! I still have my college email account, so I can at least log in there and feel like a part of the CNA-Q sphere even today, till the day I leave. In fact, I just did that sometime ago, I went to my college inbox, I looked at all the emails that my instructors used to send us students and all the announcements that used to be sent to all students, and each of these emails represents a memory that will only stay in my head and in my life as part of my 'past'...ouch, what a negatively powerful word! Somehow, I can't blame anybody or anything for any of this. It's some part of me that wished for all this, moving away, I mean! It's not like it's something bad, but right now, it doesn't seem very pink and peachy to me. I made this choice, but is it possible that people wish for something in the beginning with all their heart and when they actually get their wish, they find that it was all so wrong? A part of my mind is always wondering about this these days. I was optimistic earlier, and somehow, when it comes to this matter, I cannot drag myself to any sort of positive thinking, in other words, I just cannot pull my face towards the front, towards the daylight. I'm looking behind, I can see everything wonderful that has happened to me in these few months, all the wonderful people I met here and just about everything here that made me not want to leave this place. It has almost become like a second home to me.
The perfect way to describe my situation in a nutshell is that I'm moving forwards with my face turned backwards and looking at it, it's like I'm stuck between backward and forward. I know about Time being the best healer and all that jazz, but what about right now? This very moment? Well, guess what, it just passed, and of course, it won't ever be back, every single word takes some time, and all that time has passed, and will of course, never ever come back, we age with Time, we grow young, we grow old, everything else seems pointless right now! So leave me alone with my memories and come back later to check on my humble blog, if you're lucky, you might see something happier than nostalgic graffiti in this space! ;)